


Not Was

by KagamiSorciere



Category: Xena: Warrior Princess
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-05-17
Updated: 2015-05-26
Packaged: 2018-03-30 23:32:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,125
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3956044
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KagamiSorciere/pseuds/KagamiSorciere
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Xena & Gabrielle set out on the road again and find themselves adrift. Deciding to travel to a city they've not been to in ages, trouble comes calling when Xena's mind slowly starts losing time, starting with her most recent recollections. Gabrielle tries to find a cure until Xena no longer recalls even her, and finds she needs the help of people from Xena's past to save her.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. A Swan

"Xena, we're out of water again!"

Xena sighed as she worked to pack up her side of the camp. "Alright, alright, I guess it's my turn anyway."

Gabrielle smirked as she loaded up her stuff onto her horse before Xena did. "Yeah, considering the last two…three….four times was it…?"

"Yeah, yeah…" Xena interjected, finally managing to tie up her bedroll into a sufficiently compact size.

"…that _I_ was the one who had to get it," Gabrielle helpfully continued. "So, you know, you owe me two."

Xena bounded up to Gabrielle and grabbed the water flask from her saddle. "One," she corrected, pointing the bottle at Gabrielle. The bard raised her arms in surrender. "And take care of the rest of that, would you?" Xena called behind herself as she disappeared into the brush. Gabrielle stood there, staring at Xena's half packed belongings and narrowed her eyes. "Well played, 'Warrior Princess'."

Xena hummed to herself, contented with her minor domestic victory over her friend, as she made her way down to the lake they passed last evening. Carrying a bundle of water flasks, Xena popped the top off of each in turn and, with a sigh, began to fill them up one by one. This summer had been brutal so far, and they were going through water like fish. Just as she began to fill their fifth and final flask, a rustle in the bushes captured her attention. Xena paused. Dropping the flask beside the water, she narrowed her eyes and quietly drew her sword.

She padded up silently to the source of the rustling. The rushes shook violently every now and then, causing her to pause, but finally, once close enough, she slowly spread the tall grasses and was surprised to find a swan staring back at her. The swan stood up and honked loudly at her and Xena frowned. Until, that is, she looked just between the swan's feet and spotted two, shining eggs. "Breakfast…" Xena murmured to herself, and carefully knelt down to try and sneak the eggs out from underneath the beast. The goose, realizing its future offspring were under threat, began snapping at Xena's hand viciously in defense of its eggs. Finally managing to nip Xena on the side of the hand, she pulled her arm back with a suppressed cry of pain. Xena pondered the problem and, looking at her sword, realized there was no other way.

—

"What took you so long?" Gabrielle queried, working to heat up a good fire for their breakfast. Xena threw down a dead swan and the cluster of water flasks down next to it. "I got us some breakfast."

Gabrielle looked down at the quarry in surprise as Xena walked up to her and shoved two eggs in her hand as well. "So you have!" she answered.

Xena plopped down on the ground and grinned eagerly at her traveling companion. "You know, since you were so kind in packing up the rest of my stuff for me. I thought we'd have a nice breakfast this morning."

"Ahh," Gabrielle began, starting to laugh, "but who's gonna cook all this stuff?" she said, weighing the eggs in her hand and glancing at the freshly killed bird. Xena merely grinned at her from across the fire. As the smile fell from Gabrielle's lips, she sighed. "Alright," she said, pointing the hand with the eggs at the gloating warrior. "But if I cook, you pluck and gut. Got it?"

Xena fidgeted but soon gave in. "Alright," she agreed, rising to her feet. Stepping over to her offerings she picked up the cluster of water flasks first and separated three from the bunch. "Oh, and here are yours, Gabrielle."

"Thank you!" she said, taking them and tying them to her saddle as she rummaged around for a frying pan. Xena smile in return and, taking her own bottle in hand, popped the top and began to take a sip.

"Plucking and gutting, Xena!" she heard the girl cry from across the camp as the sizzle and smell of eggs filled the air. Xena wiped her mouth and replaced the flask onto her steed. "Yes, ma'am."

—

Xena and Gabrielle had been on the road for hours. Nothing eventful had come of it.

"So where shall we go?" Gabrielle asked, looking back at her friend. Xena appeared miles away. "Xena?"

"Oh," she replied lamely, looking back at Gabrielle with a smile, "Oh, I don't know. Who've we not seen lately?"

"Not sure," Gabrielle replied thoughtfully. "Being gone for twenty-five years changed so much. Who knows who's still around…or if we wouldn't kill them with the shock at seeing us again."

Xena scoffed. "Nah, word's gotten out by now, right? I don't think we're liable to give anyone a heart attack."

They grinned, riding on in silence.

"How about Athens?" Gabrielle proposed.

"Why Athens?"

"Well….we could really catch up on some news there. I could buy new scrolls as well. We'd be able to really refresh our supplies…."

"And you could go see one of Euripides's plays," Xena finished for her with a sly smile. Gabrielle nodded cautiously trying _not_ to smile.

"Yeah…yeah we could do that…" she looked back at her friend. "If you want."

"You mean if _you_ want," Xena said kindly.

Gabrielle let out a moan and rolled her eyes. "Yes, yes, ok, busted, I want to go and see my friend's play. Xena, can we? Please?" the bard begged.

Xena clicked her tongue and became preoccupied with the treetops above them. "I dunno, Gabrielle. I mean we've so much to do- I'm sure we'll run into a village that needs saving in the next half mile. Or maybe we should just go south to Egypt instead- I hear they're in need of a girl with a chakram," she giggled.

"Xena!" Gabrielle scolded. "You _would_ pick a place as far from Athens as you could get."

Xena laughed. "Ok, ok, let's go to Egypt," she said seriously.

"Xena!"

"I mean Athens."

"Thank you, Xena!" she cried, and as the blonde turned around to smile at her friend, Xena could almost see a spark of the old Gabrielle there looking back at her and her smile turned genuine.

"Anything for you, Gabrielle."

—

Night fell, and another days' ride would take them to the outskirts of Athens.

"Another hot one today," Gabrielle said, as she considered whether or not to start their camp fire just yet.

"Uh-huh," replied Xena, taking a deep swig from her water flask.

"I'm not sure we really need the fire tonight. I mean, we've still got plenty of swan jerky…," she said, contemplating the firewood in her hands as she reluctantly began to set up a fire. Even if they didn't light it, at least it would be at the ready.

Xena sat down on her bedroll. "Delicious swan jerky," she said, and took a large bite out of some she'd taken out of a leather pouch. Gabrielle rolled her eyes and looked incredulously at her friend.

"Well, leave enough for us to get to Athens on. That way we don't have to stop to hunt," she chided, rising to her feet and dusting her hands off. Xena gave a half-hearted salute and took another swig from her flask. Gabrielle added a bit too much salt to that meat for her liking.

Xena settled down into her bed roll and watched as Gabrielle took out her last blank scroll and began to write. Listening to the gentle scraping of the quill on fresh parchment, Xena silently drifted off to sleep.

—

"XENA! Xena, wake up!"

"Huh?" Xena rolled around in her covers.

"I figure if we leave now, we'll be able to reach Athens by midnight!"

"What?" Xena said groggily, wiping a hand at her eyes. "Gabrielle, what do you mean, leave?"

Gabrielle sighed and tied her bedroll to her saddle. "Leaving for Athens, remember? Supplies? Proper news scrolls? Plays?" she said exasperatedly.

Xena propped herself up on her hands. "Gabrielle, are you kidding? We can't leave yet. Not until we've freed Eve."

Gabrielle stopped everything. "Xena?" she said tentatively, peering at her friend. "You're not sleep-talking again, are you?"

"No, I mean it," she said, rising to her feet. "You said you'd talk to the Amazon council today." Xena walked across the camp towards Gabrielle and held her shoulders in her hands. "You promise me- promise me you'll say whatever you have to to get Eve off. I don't want to fight them- Ares would like that too much."

Gabrielle turned to meet Xena's concerned gaze and shook her head lightly. "Xena, what are you talking about? Nobody has Eve."

Xena tightened her grip as her brow furrowed. "What?"

"Xena, that was _months_ ago. Nobody has Eve. Eve is free." Gabrielle tried to look up at Xena as the warrior lowered her gaze in confusion. "You do remember that, right?"

"Yes!" Xena quickly shot back defensively. "At least…at least I think so, I…" Xena's voice cracked as she moved back to stare panicked into the fire. "I don't remember at all."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Right, so, notebook still not found. Let's go on a detour instead. This will span a couple chapters and may change rating and/or character listing, so watch out for that and don't forget to share your thoughts with me along the way. Strap in and let's go!


	2. Let's Go To Athens

Gabrielle stashed what was in her hand into the nearest saddle pocket and narrowed her eyes as she walked towards Xena. Her friend was staring deeply into the dwindling fire as dawn began to slowly creep up and light the sky a deep, penetrating navy.

"Xena…" Gabrielle called softly. She took a seat on the ground next to her and watched her in silence. "Xena."

The warrior jumped.

"Hey, hey!" Gabrielle said, grabbing her by the arm in an attempt to calm her. "It's alright."

Xena looked around suspiciously. "Gabrielle…"

The blonde sat up attentively. "Yeah, I'm right here."

Xena's eyes narrowed. "How did we get here…?" she slowly growled. Gabrielle took in a deep breath and rested a hand on Xena's arm.

"Umm, well….we were riding- we've been riding- for days, and decided to go to Athens and stopped here last night," she explained, trying for a light-hearted tone. She watched as Xena's fists clenched.

"No."

"No?"

"We were at the Amazon camp," Xena began slowly, "And my daughter," she continued, desperate to believe her own words, "is imprisoned by them and we vowed to get her out. Gabrielle—" Xena finished in a hurry, but her friend cut her off.

"Xena, listen to me," she said, placing her fingertips over Xena's mouth. "That was two moons ago. Maybe three? We freed Eve."

"But—" Xena began, but the fingers pressed more closely to her mouth.

"Now I don't know what's going on with you, or if this is some trick to get out of going to Athens with me…" Gabrielle sighed, and relaxed her shoulder suddenly. "Is that what this is? Xena, I told you, we don't have to go to Athens. And you don't have to come with me if you don't want to."

Xena sat there on the verge of exasperation as her friend's hand fell away from her face. "Gabrielle!" she cried, grabbing the girl by the arms again. Gabrielle stared wide-eyed at her. "This is…." she panted, trying to get her thoughts in order. "I don't know anything about Athens. All I know is that my little girl was being sentenced to death and then I wound up here."

Gabrielle blinked. "Seriously?"

Xena nodded in shock. "Yeah," she replied quietly.

"Xena, ahh…." Gabrielle put her hands to her face, trying to think. "That's not good." She then rested the back of her hand on Xena's forehead. "You don't seem to have a fever."

Xena shook her head. "And you said we agreed to this trip yesterday?"

Gabrielle nodded.

"And that Eve was freed moons ago?"

She nodded again. Xena's arms dropped as she turned back to face the fire, panic starting to take hold. Gabrielle just sat quietly, giving her friend space to think. The sky began to take on lighter shades of blue as the two sat there- one staring deep into the fire and the other staring fixedly at her friend's face. After some time, Xena spoke.

"How did we free Eve?"

"What?" Gabrielle asked, shaking herself to.

"How did we free Eve?"

"Ummm," Gabrielle began, shifting to sit on her knees. "Well, you told them that the path they were on was not the one their ancestors would have wanted and you challenged Varia to a fight to the death."

Xena's eyes widened slightly. "Go on," she asked coldly.

Gabrielle nodded. "You two fought, and you beat her…"

Xena's jaw visibly tightened.

"…but you didn't kill her," Gabrielle concluded. She watched Xena relax slightly.

"Varia then saw the error of her ways, freed Eve, Ares came by to gloat…"

"Gloat." Xena scoffed, tossing a piece of grass into the dying flames.

Gabrielle shrugged. "Well, not gloat per se. Praise."

Xena snapped her head to look incredulously at her friend.

Gabrielle gave a small smile. "He said you were good, and that you must've planned it all along."

Xena smirked.

The bard sighed and continued casually, "You said something…oh, that it was what you do, and he said he wouldn't have it any other way and then vanished." Gabrielle raised her hands to mimic the dematerialization of the god and then dropped her hands again, staring at the ground.

"Now that…" Xena began, "…you could not have made up," she said, as she rose to her feet to walk towards the horses.

Gabrielle arched a brow. "Why would I make it up?"

"Because," she said, eyes hardening, "I don't remember any of it. But if you say Eve is safe…"

"Xena, Eve is safe. Please believe me," she said, getting up to pull at the warrior's arm. Their eyes met and Gabrielle gave her a pleading gaze. "If you want, we can go see her. We can go right now."

Xena let out a breath she hadn't realized she was holding and shook her head. "No. No, that's enough to convince me."

Gabrielle nodded but let her hand rest where it was. "But you say you don't remember?"

Xena shook her head. "I…I don't know, Gabrielle. Maybe I just slept funny or something," she concluded, running a hand through her mussed hair.

Gabrielle frowned. "Maybe."

Xena took a deep breath and looked at her friend. "You said we were going to Athens?"

"Yeah."

"Then let's go," she said, putting down the flap to the saddle bag.

"Xena," Gabrielle said warningly, "are you sure about that? I'm really worried—"

Xena turned and rested a hand on her friend's shoulder. "Don't be. I'm sure whatever this is," she explained, waving a hand in the air, "will pass. Let's just get on to Athens."

"Well if you're sure…" she continued timidly.

"I'm sure," the warrior concluded, and they continued to pack up camp.

When they set out on the road again, Xena was no better but no worse either. Gabrielle wasn't sure what to make of it, but since her friend seemed stable, perhaps Athens was the best place after all. "At least then I could get her to a good healer…" she mumbled quietly to herself.

"What's that?" Xena asked, riding a few paces behind her friend.

"Nothing." Gabrielle looked back at Xena who happened to be munching on something. "What are you eating?"

Xena shrugged. "Dunno." She ripped at the piece of dried meat with her teeth and took a look at it. "Tastes like swan, though."

Gabrielle smiled but then immediately halted her horse, and Xena halted in turn. Gabrielle backed up the beast to be in line with Xena's. "Um, how much of that jerky have you eaten?"

"What?"

"That jerky. Have you eaten a lot of it?" Gabrielle made a grab for the meat which Xena then possessively pulled away out of the girl's grasp with a frown. "Not a lot. Get your own."

Gabrielle sighed. "Xena, maybe it's the jerky. Did you ever think of that?"

Xena chewed slowly, staring at Gabrielle. "Well, did you eat any of it?"

Gabrielle blinked. "Well yeah, I…"

"And you remember yesterday, right?"

Gabrielle nodded.

"Then it ain't the jerky," she concluded, and took another bite out of it.

Gabrielle nodded thoughtfully, putting the pieces together in her own mind. "I guess that's right," she said, sounding slightly surprised, and moved her steed forward just as Xena grabbed for her water flask.

"You made this a bit salty, though."

Gabrielle scoffed. "And how do you even know I made it, Miss Amnesia?"

"Because," Xena began with a curl of her lip, "I never over-salt my jerky."

Gabrielle laughed for the first time that day. "Fair enough."

They continued to ride on for some time in silence dotted with casual comments until the sun reached high overhead.

"Guess we better stop for lunch…" Gabrielle muttered off to the side as she turned to look behind her. Xena was asleep, perfectly erect in her saddle. "I wish I knew how she did that…." she muttered, as she got off her horse. She prodded Xena in the knee. "Hey! Wake up!"

Xena's eyes opened with a start as she looked around herself and then down at her companion.

"Good morning," Gabrielle chided sarcastically.

"Good morning," Xena said with a grin. "Did we ride all night then?"

"Pft, no, just until high sun," she replied, picking up nearby sticks and setting up a fire. Xena pulled the flint from a saddle pouch and went over to help.

"So what'll it be today?" Xena asked with a grin.

"Whatever you think you can catch," she replied, as Xena stalked off into the woods with a grin. She returned shortly with two wild rabbits which were quickly skinned, gutted, and roasting nicely on the spit.

"You know…" Xena began. Gabrielle looked up to listen intently as she went to give the spit a turn. "I think I've figured a way to get Ares and Aphrodite back on Olympus," she said with a grin. "Solve this whole emotional disconnect problem we've been running into."

Gabrielle's hand froze mid-movement. "Xena," she gasped, and darted forward towards her friend.

Xena reflexively leaned back out of her way. "What?" she replied narrowly.

Gabrielle quickly put the back of her hand onto Xena's forehead again, but this time felt her cheeks and her arms also before staring into her eyes. "What is it?" Xena asked, half laughing.

"Xena, What emotional disconnect connect problem?" she said quietly, voice filling with dread.

"You know…" Xena began slowly, frowning. "Since Ares and Aphrodite lost their godhood, the world has lost the ability to love…the balance is gone. What are you doing?" she asked, as Gabrielle tried lifting up Xena's eyelids to get a better look.

"Is it drugs?" Gabrielle asked, more to herself than to Xena.

Xena scoffed. "It's been years since I— hey!"

Gabrielle looked at Xena in disbelief before pulling herself back to the situation at hand. "Xena, you already restored Ares and Aphrodite to Olympus."

Xena blinked. "What?"

"That was about four moons or so ago."

"What?"

Gabrielle stood up and covered her hands with her face as she began to pace. "Maybe…it's the Furies or something….no, we killed them." She stopped and looked at Xena. "We killed them?"

"We killed them," Xena affirmed in confusion.

Xena just sat there, watching Gabrielle blankly as she continued thinking aloud. "It's not drugs. It's not the jerky."

"We have jerky?" Xena asked suddenly. Gabrielle turned her head to glare at her friend. "Yes we have jerky, and yes I used too much salt. Again."

Xena raised her brows briefly before turning back to the fire. "Well, I told you last time…"

Gabrielle dropped her arms. "Last time…" she repeated faintly. She ran over to Xena and knelt down beside her. "Xena, when was the last time we saw Eve?"

Xena picked off a bit of the bunny and chewed it thoughtfully. "It was with the Amazons," she stated. Gabrielle gave a great sigh of relief. "When Ares was trying to attack them. He sent us that message scroll, remember?"

Gabrielle grimaced. "This isn't good."

Xena continued to chew.

"Xena, that already happened. That happened several moons ago. You don't remember Eve's trial? How she was imprisoned? Xena, are you listening to me?"

Xena just smirked as she worked off more of the meat from the steaming rabbit. "Naah, you're not getting me with that one, Gabrielle. Have to do better than that."

Gabrielle sat back stunned. She'd completely forgotten. Around the time that Ares had sent a scroll asking for their help, she and Xena had been on a pranking spree- whoever could prank the other person first had to do the foraging for a week.

"But I lost that bet…" Gabrielle murmured. "Xena….Xena!"

Gabrielle took her friend's face in her hands. Xena promptly stopped chewing. "Xena, something's happening, and no it doesn't have anything to do with that bet, I swear. Something's happening. It's like….it's like you're losing time," she whispered.

Xena's face morphed from joviality into concern. "What do you mean?"

Gabrielle, seeing she finally had Xena's attention now, nodded and thought carefully on what to say next. "Xena, this morning you woke up, and you didn't remember the day before. In fact, you'd forgotten the past couple moons. And now, somehow, this afternoon, you've forgotten even more things. And I can't figure out why. I need your help."

"What?"

"Xena, please," Gabrielle gasped as panic started to slowly spread through her. "Xena help me. Help me help you. What could make you forget things like this? I thought of the food, but we've eaten the same thing. It can't, shouldn't, be drugs. I don't know what else…"

"You say I've forgotten things?" Xena asked throatily. Gabrielle nodded almost sadly. Xena frowned.

"Xena….where are we going?" Gabrielle asked, desperate for her friend to understand.

"Where?"

"Yes, where?"

There was a pause as Gabrielle watched the same expression pass over Xena's face as it did this morning.

"I can't…I don't know. Gabrielle…." Xena looked up in shock.

"Athens," Gabrielle replied, brushing Xena's face with her hand. "We're going to Athens."

Xena nodded slowly. "And maybe, in Athens," Gabrielle continued, "we'll be able to find someone who can help."

"I feel fine, though," she whispered.

"Do you?" Gabrielle asked, sniffing back emotions. Xena nodded. "Well that's at least something."

Gabrielle rose to her feet and held out a hand for her friend. "Come on then. Let's get going."

—

The rest of the day had gone smoothly enough, and after having a fairly normal dinner, the two went to bed as the embers of the fire burned on. Gabrielle lay awake, however, staring off into the thick blackness of the forest deep in thought. Athens had to have a healer who knew of such a sickness. If Athens didn't have have someone who knew….Gabrielle pushed the thought out of her head. That evening, she had discussed everything she knew with Xena and Xena had come up blank also.

"You've done well, though, coming up with what you have so far. It's everything I would have thought of," Xena had said, praising Gabrielle for her problem-solving skills. "And if something should happen to me, I know you'll do just fine on your own….just fine."

"Don't say that, Xena. We'll figure this out…..We always do."

Gabrielle sighed when she heard a rustling sound behind her. She froze. Slowly reaching a hand beneath her pillow, she wrapped her fingers around one of her sais and bolted upright, only to find Xena wide awake and shakily throwing things around.

"Xena?" she asked sleepily.

"Gabrielle!" the woman cried, rushing over to her. "Gabrielle, have you seen my baby? Where is my baby? Where is Eve?" she pleaded, clutching Gabrielle hard around the shoulders, her eyes begging her friend to tell her where her child was. Gabrielle could do nothing but look back, mouth agape, before quickly pulling her wits together.

"Um, Xena," she began, shaking her head a bit. "Eve is…Eve is with Octavius. Don't you remember?"

"Octavius?" Xena echoed in a strained whisper.

"Yeah," she continued, lowering her sai. "Remember- we captured Celesta and you handed Eve off to Octavius. For safety. She's fine. We'll…" Gabrielle choked back forgotten emotions. "We'll see her again soon, right?"

Xena sat back on the ground, wide-eyed, shock slowly starting to fall away from her. "Right…" she quietly replied.

"Go to bed, Xena."

The woman nodded, looking vaguely lost as she re-spread her blankets and laid wearily down.

"It'll be alright in the morning," Gabrielle added and slowly laid back down in her own bed. Stuffing the sai back under her pillow, she clasped a hand tightly over her mouth and cried.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well then, things are getting a little stressful, aren't they? Don't worry- it'll get worse.
> 
> Comments are most welcome, so please do share thoughts and opinions with me- personally a little iffy on the structure of the first chapter, to be honest. Anyway, hope somebody out there's enjoying it! Thanks for reading!!


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